Cyclical Thinking

Last night I had a glass of wine with my wonderful sister. She is currently the only member of this blog, however I am going to assume that millions of other people are reading this because my amazing writing shines through the endless sea of others out there in the blogospere. Even if she is the only one in the world that reads this, that is good enough. I am her biggest fan. I want to be more like her. If I can accomplish being someone she and my child both admire then I have lived my dream. Sometimes it is so hard not to get stuck in the never ending wheel of cyclical thinking. I get in these ruts where everything in the world just seems like the leftovers in the fridge that just might make you cry if you actually have to eat them for one more day. Like the turkey that is still there three days after Thanksgiving. Sometimes I just look at my life and want to kick and scream, I want a Fucking CHEESEBURGER, get this GD turkey the hell out of my face! It really isn't the turkey that I don't want. It is the cheeseburger that I do want, I actually love turkey. My point is that I can take a step back and see that the turkey is actually really great, and that it is up to me to keep my life exciting. I think the key to that is to stop the cycle. The cycle becomes like the hum of tires on the road, it's mesmerizing, it lulls me into a state of expectation and ingratitude. When I stop and notice the smell of winter creeping into the fall, and the small seedlings bursting through the ground in the colored pots in my window, my eyes are open. I see the things that make today different from yesterday. These things are not insignificant. They are the cheeseburger. I just have to look from them. I am reading a book that focuses on gratitude. I am trying to do better. I just want the people I love to know I am grateful for every moment in this life I get to spend with them. I am grateful for you Ash. <3